The lady in the train

The train was gaining momentum and the slow rumble of the metal over metal softened. The distance was closing with each moment that passed. Clad in a black chiffon scarf, she was engrossed into the colors of nature. I saw her. She was beautiful. She must be in her late twenties. Those big black eyes seemed fascinated by the herd of goats that passed by. She sat by the window, still, and kept gazing at them till they faded away. She seemed restless. A little playful child tugged at her oblivious of her thoughts and seemed amused at something. There was a sharp honking now and then that broke her chain of thoughts.

I looked outside the rusty frame. We were moving over a river. The water shimmered under the scorching sun like little diamonds strewn all around hidden under the short green shrubs that had never grown tall. They had failed badly.

It had been raining. I had forgotten an umbrella but it didn’t matter. The scheduled time of arrival was 12:05 and I had no time to go back. I got into the taxi and headed for the airport. Drenched into the warmth of the taxi, I couldn’t smile. A serpentine, black slithering, gnawing at me, looked deep through me; it knew the darkness in me. I shuddered.

I had just woken up when you had called. I am coming.

‘Could you please shift a little?’ the lady asked. It was growing dark and we squirmed into an unknown land. The diamond on her finger sparkled.

‘You have a beautiful child.’

She smiled and her eyes dampened. She said nothing but in that very moment her eyes were screaming. She settled back to her nothingness. I stared at her with a piercing gaze, what was she thinking? She obviously should be a lot happier than she appeared.

It was 4 years back. I hadn’t seen you for quite some time now. I missed you.

There is something about the sanguine human minds. They have desires. They aspire to hold hands with their dreams and come face to face with what they once coveted.

The taxi had stopped at the signal and it had stopped raining. I saw the folder in my hand and clutched it tightly. I did not know what to tell you. But I knew you will understand. We can’t be together anymore. I needed to get away.

Does love end? Or does it just chide behind the needs and becomes a figurine of total dependency? Maybe it is just a psychological need and demands the people involved to be physically present. It cripples us and sometimes acts as a driving force. Sometimes it motivates and sometimes it just makes you feel helpless. Or are we getting too mechanical to understand the basics? It’s not just about the carnal desires, or is it? How does the human brain function?

We are but, just another organism on the earth and the sine qua non remains same for all.

Madam, we are at the airport. Should I wait or leave?

I saw you coming out. There was a smile on your face. You came rushing to me and embraced me like never before.

What’s the matter? You seem lost.

There’s something we need to talk. I need to say something. This isn’t working and I think we better get separated. Here’s the ring. I saw it in your eyes. You knew this was coming sooner or later. We loved each other no doubt about that but we had our own dreams. It had taken me 25 years to build everything and I couldn’t let it go. Neither could you.

That was the last hug we had had and you just left. The iniquitous part of me wanted to run and hold you from behind and never let go. I wished I had.

Madam, ticket please. The train was moving through farmlands and I could see the petty workers guarding the fields and trying to ease the boredom by singing some folk songs.

I wanted to talk to her. She seemed to have a lot going on in the insides of her mind. Her silence was very disturbing.

Where are you headed? I tried to break the ice.

I am going to meet my husband. I saw no excitement on her face. Taking this conversation any further would definitely be vicious. I stopped.

Was getting estranged after all a selfish decision that I had made? There are so many couples out there who try to work on the long distance relationship and juggle their way forward. I looked at her. She was young and beautiful and obviously trying to fight the odds but she seemed tired. But then, is it just about survival? Just trying to keep your head above the water? Is the struggle worthwhile?

It was 5 am in the morning; the train pulled into the Delhi borders and came to a halt at the New Delhi station. Soon the clouds will give way to the morning sun and the red hue would make the city glow.

I looked at her. She mechanically collected all her stuffs, held the child and walked out. I followed suit. I walked behind her as if I was pulled by some force.

And then I saw it. The diamond was so familiar.

This lady would have been me had I not made my mind 4 years back. The light broke and the there was a huge chirping of morning birds. I got all my answers. There was a smile on my lips as I headed towards my Hotel.